What Makes A Friend...My Light In The Dark

19:49pm

Friendship is one of the most important things in our lives and  Huggle  has asked me to make a list/write about what I think makes a good friend. Huggle is a social app which helps you to discover and connect with people who go to the places you go. It’s a wonderful app for making friends and meeting like-minded people. You can download it here."

To me friendship is something we cannot live without! At times people say I'm okay on my own but truth is none of us actually are okay on our own no matter how much of a strong person you are at times in your life you always need your friends & family. No matter how stubborn you are & I am one stubborn person myself. 

Friendship is a two way thing. If there is only one person working on the friendship then it will never work. In my eyes you both have to put effort in, in order for the friendship to remain & grow. After all what's the point wasting time on someone who isn't prepared to put the effort in for you? 

To me my friends have always played such a huge part in my life & I truly feel blessed to have the friends that I do. I wouldn't say I have a huge network of friends but the ones I do have are the best support structure & best people I could ask for. To me my friends are not just my friends but my girls feel like more sisters to me. That's the way friendship should be. An extended family. 

At times my friends are tested. Especially in the past. I'm not ashamed to admit but some months ago I went through a very dark place. I suffered terribly with severe depression & severe anxiety & yes I admit when I go through those phases I can be a nightmare & often require extra support. I had to have time away from work to get myself back on track & also went through counselling & therapy to get myself back to a suitable place. Through those months not once did my friends turn their backs on me. Through every dark moment, struggle, hardship, tears, argument, screams they all took my hand & helped guide me along the path back to normality. They all, each & everyone brought me back to the light. For that I cannot thank them enough because without them I don't know what I would of done. Any moment of the day or even night they were there to pick me back up & let me know it was going to be okay when I thought it wasn't going to be. They would spend time with me to occupy me, sit with me in silence if I needed to, anything just so I knew I wasn't alone & that's important because in that selfish, dark place you forever feel all alone even when you aren't. 

I owe lot to my friends, because to me they are my rocks & that's an important part of friendship. Having someone to lean on & hold your hand when you need that someone to help get you through. Having such a strong support structure is what helped get me through & that's one of the blessings of friendships. Even through those moments they never once judge you or turn their backs on you when some people do. A true friend is someone you can truly trust.


Spending time with friends & doing the things you love. Having quality time together are those moments you will forever treasure. Because they are the moments 
no matter what happens people cannot take away from you. Never forget that. They are the moments friends make you laugh even when you want to cry. They make you smile & laugh uncontrollable amounts. 

People may all have a different definition of friendship but to me friends are like an extended family. Your support structure, the people who make you laugh but can at times make you cry, they are your rock, your pick me ups, your sisters, your blessings, your comfort zones, your best memories are made with these people, these are your life... 

So never ever take them for granted, 
Be sure to tell them how much you 
appreciate them & once you find those amazing friends never let them go! 

Remember never take those true ones for granted. 

I'd love to hear your thoughts & what you think 
makes a good friend. 

Take care 
Love Lottie xox 

To all those who never got that "sorry"

22:19pm

I'm sorry, I'm sorry for pain & hurt they put you through. For the amount of tears you cried for them only to find they were not phased in the slightest about you. I'm sorry they made you question all the times you had together. All those moments that to you were happy moments but now you only see as sad. You question their feelings & actions but worst of all they got you questioning your worth. No one should make you feel that. Those moments where you feel so insignificant. 

I'm sorry for the time you spent on them even though to you time with them was the best thing because moments with them made you happy. But not the time you spent wondering what you had done to be ignored, made to feel like crap & the time you spent your tears on them. 

I'm sorry they become selfish while you was always so giving & caring towards them. You couldn't of done enough for them. Don't ever question them. For once it is true it is them & not you. So please believe it! I'm sorry they ended up putting themselves before you & seemed to forget about your existence & that funny enough you have feelings...

I'm sorry you're now left with all those reminders of them. The songs, the television programmes, the films, the food, all those things that you see as now a reminder of them that to others means nothing but to you so much. 

I'm sorry you let your guard down. That you let them in & that you cared for someone who didn't seem to care about you or at least didn't when they hurt you. 

I know you're looking for answers to your questions but rarely do you get them. You can rattle your brain & drive yourself crazy but you will never know those answers unless they open up to you & if they choose to block you out then there is just no way. You can spend your time going over & over it in your mind but unless they tell you there truly is no logic to what they did. They probably don't ever know themselves why they did what they did.

Just remember NO you didn't deserve it! No one deserves that. The pain you felt was real & in time it will heal. It will take time but remember there is no time limit to it. It may take weeks, months, or even years but either way there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone heals differently & no person is the same. There is no right, there is no wrong. I know a connection is never easily just forgotten... You do what you have to do & remember you are never alone. You will always have someone right by your side. Believe them when they say they do understand because chances are they have been through something similar & someone made them feel just like you do now... So surround yourselves with those true friends, your caring family members & just remember no matter what you will never be alone. Even at times when you feel so alone you never are. 

So remain as strong as you can. Do those things that make you smile everyday even if it's just for a short space of time. Spend time with your loved ones, don't shut yourself away from them. Hiding away doesn't help you. It just makes you feel more withdrawn from the world. Do things that you can channel your emotions into don't ever bottle things up. There is nothing more unhealthy than not talking about things & shutting yourself off. 

More importantly remember you are beautiful & don't ever let yourself or anyone else tell you any different.

"& once the storm is over you won't remember how you it made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out the storm you won't be the same person that walked in." 

Love Lottie xox

Been a while

23:47pm
It's been a while since I've wrote something on here. I guess you could say things have been abit up, down.
For the past week now I've been in pain with my foot which I found out I've done something to my Achilles' tendon. People don't lie when they say it's painful. My foot is constantly swollen & my toes look like poor little fat stubs. Not to mention it being hard to walk on that foot. They tell you to rest it & I'm on crutches but how can you rest when your constantly on the go? I've never seen the sense in that. It's frustrating I can't do alot & I can't walk far the only good thing is I've never slept better than since when this started. I fall in a deep sleep & I'm constantly worn out by the end if the day. Whereas things before going on in my mind would keep me awake.

People sometimes try to test your patience. I guess they just like to see how far they can push you & how you'll react. But why do that? Why put someone you so called care about through that? It's mind boggling. I don't see how by treating someone in such a bad way you can expect to keep someone in your life?

All I can say is at the moment I don't know where Im quite at in my mind. I mean I've work things out of what I want to do about certain situations & for me now it feels right. It's just hard when the other person then changes & makes life difficult for you. They change the way they act towards you, they ignore you, shut you out, blank you as if you don't even exist. Do they think you wouldn't notice? Or that it doesn't hurt you because no you don't have feelings because your not human. They couldn't be more wrong. You notice the change within a day, the cold shoulder, the change in looks, the ignorance. When all you want is just a hello & that smile that gets stuck in your head but that couldn't be further away.

People always burst your bubble & it's as if they do these little things to say maybe you haven't made the right decision take time to think again. But in my mind that's not necessary. When I know what I want that's it my mind set doesn't change.

Feeling let down by people is one of the worst things. Especially when they are your best friends & the people you thought you could always count on no matter what the weather. But I've come to realise you actually can't. You'll have a few of those friends that will stick by you & constantly check your okay & be there when you need them. The others just find it an effort to send a text even every now & then to check your okay, carry on with their lives & make you feel like your no longer apart of that life & have no place in it. They cut you out, let you down & it's hard to say it but your disappointed in them for what they've done & how they've acted & changed towards you. You shouldn't have to chase people, try to get people to be there, to listen. If they are too wrapped up in their own lives then let them carry on with that. If you have no place in theirs then why should they have a place in yours. After all if the roles where reversed they would want you there for them.

Tonight I've spoke my mind alot to a few people but it's nothing more than what's needed. I'm sick & tired of being the person that fades into the background, the person people forget about, the person people tend to walk all over, lie to, make promises to. But most of all I'm sick & tired of people pretending they genuinely care & are a friend when they have done nothing but fail me lately. I don't care if people read this & panic it's about them. As far as I'm concerned let them question that after all if they've been a good enough friend they wouldn't have to. So no I'm not tip toeing around people. Time for them to know some home truths.

I'm falling asleep now & getting even more ratty so I best go to bed. Even though that's going to be with the one person stuck on my mind...

Sweet dreams,
Love Lottie xox

Drifting apart

23:46pm
One of the worst feelings is drifting away from a best friend. One minute your close, you do everything together, make plans, support each other, do everything with each other. The next you hardly see each other, there was once a time you saw each other at least once a week then next it's like you see each other once every 3weeks if your lucky. I get people can drift when you have issues in your life & your going through a difficult time but that doesn't make it any easier. During difficult times you should both be able to turn to each other & be each others strength in order to get each other through & at the same time have it strengthen your friendship. Okay so your going through hell but you have a best friend to help pull you through & when your out at the other end through it your friendship is 100 times stronger. But not this time. This time I feel like we've gone our separate ways & it's hard to get back. I get pushed away & forgotten about so I feel. You offer to be there for someone & do what you can for them because you don't want them going through it on their own but when a person won't talk to you it's hard. You can't force a person to speak I get that but at the same time if you can't share things with your best friend & open up then who can you talk to? Bottling things up doesn't solve anything I've learnt from that before. It eats away at you & in the end it all becomes too much & you just crack.

The truth is I miss my best friend more than anything & life is alot tougher without having her around. We've got through alot together & I just hope we'll get through more. Sometimes now I feel on my own & like Im missing my right arm cos that's what she's like. She's a part of me that without I just couldn't function. In life we want different things & we couldn't be more different from each other but our friendship has always just worked. It's one of those friendships where you know your truly blessed to have it. But sometimes I wonder just what they think.

I hate the fact I'm getting all emotional over this & the fact tears come to my eyes discussing this now. But I really hate the fact one of the most important person in my life is slipping away from me. That's not just something you can easily ignore.

All I've wanted this week when going through this issue & me not being myself is my best friend :(
Everyone of my friends have been amazing & given advice & been my rock but sometimes just a comment & a cute text from your best friend to say "it'll be okay babygirl I'll get you through, you've always got me" I would of been okay.

I hope that in time once out of these issues our friendship will come back to how it once was when we'd go out & cause trouble in town being the sambucca princess's, go on random adventures, go on holidays & get silly drunk & dance on bars, & just generally enjoy each others company once again.

One last thing because I know she'll read this:
No matter what you'll always be my best friend even if I'm in a different country that's half way around the world. To me your not just a best friend but like my sister. Your a part of my life that I don't want to change. No matter what the issue I'm always here for you, whatever the time of day or night. Just reach out for my hand & I'll always be right here to get you through. I miss you & love you lots. Never forget that.

Love Lottie xox