One Way Ticket

22:44pm

Pick a place at random on the map & flee there. No one knows who you are, no one knows of your past, no one knows of your issues & the difficulties you face. They just simply know what you look like as a person. Nothing more, nothing less. 

No one to judge you everyday, or judge the way you've handled things, or your state of mind. 

A one way ticket to somewhere new. Somewhere so the surroundings are new, the people are new, everything is new. A fresh start. A chance to create yourself as the person you want to be, not the person you've now become. A place which once & has always been home. A place where you should feel safe, comfortable & happy. But some how you are just not. You feel uncomfortable, distant & like you just want to run. You've never been that person & you have always said you don't want to be that person. But right now it's all you want to do. Run & not look back. 

Some people think it's a cowards way out but it's not. It's now become more of a fight for survival. A fight just to get through everyday, to fight every hour that passes. You don't know how your going to but some how just getting through a day is a relief. A relief that some how you've got yourself through it. 

You want that place where you look out at a perfect view & you can sit & watch the world go by. The place where the sun shines & you feel the warmth on your back. The place where the skies are always blue, the clouds are like the imitation of balls of cotton wool, & the place where silence & tranquility is part of your everyday. 

You learn that no one is going to save you. You've got to save yourself. Nobody is going to give you everything. You've got to go out & fight for it. Nobody knows exactly what goes through your head. Only you can understand no one else will. 

You feel close to no one & like you have no best friend. You have no big support structure. No one to take your hand & guide you through the dark days. You just feel those people standing around the edge & watching from the outside in. People get to the point where they've had enough, they've got to the point they are sick of hearing of your struggles over & over. So they just ignore you & let you battle on. Through the struggles you can only rely on yourself. 

Through every dark night, there comes a bright day. I'm still waiting for my bright day..

"Just because you fail once, it doesn't mean your going to fail at everything. Keep trying, hold on & always, always believe in yourself because if you don't then who will?so keep your head high, keep your chin up & most importantly keep smiling" - Marilyn Monroe 

Love Lottie xox