I'm sorry, I'm sorry for pain & hurt they put you through. For the amount of tears you cried for them only to find they were not phased in the slightest about you. I'm sorry they made you question all the times you had together. All those moments that to you were happy moments but now you only see as sad. You question their feelings & actions but worst of all they got you questioning your worth. No one should make you feel that. Those moments where you feel so insignificant.
I'm sorry for the time you spent on them even though to you time with them was the best thing because moments with them made you happy. But not the time you spent wondering what you had done to be ignored, made to feel like crap & the time you spent your tears on them.
I'm sorry they become selfish while you was always so giving & caring towards them. You couldn't of done enough for them. Don't ever question them. For once it is true it is them & not you. So please believe it! I'm sorry they ended up putting themselves before you & seemed to forget about your existence & that funny enough you have feelings...
I'm sorry you're now left with all those reminders of them. The songs, the television programmes, the films, the food, all those things that you see as now a reminder of them that to others means nothing but to you so much.
I'm sorry you let your guard down. That you let them in & that you cared for someone who didn't seem to care about you or at least didn't when they hurt you.
I know you're looking for answers to your questions but rarely do you get them. You can rattle your brain & drive yourself crazy but you will never know those answers unless they open up to you & if they choose to block you out then there is just no way. You can spend your time going over & over it in your mind but unless they tell you there truly is no logic to what they did. They probably don't ever know themselves why they did what they did.
Just remember NO you didn't deserve it! No one deserves that. The pain you felt was real & in time it will heal. It will take time but remember there is no time limit to it. It may take weeks, months, or even years but either way there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone heals differently & no person is the same. There is no right, there is no wrong. I know a connection is never easily just forgotten... You do what you have to do & remember you are never alone. You will always have someone right by your side. Believe them when they say they do understand because chances are they have been through something similar & someone made them feel just like you do now... So surround yourselves with those true friends, your caring family members & just remember no matter what you will never be alone. Even at times when you feel so alone you never are.
So remain as strong as you can. Do those things that make you smile everyday even if it's just for a short space of time. Spend time with your loved ones, don't shut yourself away from them. Hiding away doesn't help you. It just makes you feel more withdrawn from the world. Do things that you can channel your emotions into don't ever bottle things up. There is nothing more unhealthy than not talking about things & shutting yourself off.
More importantly remember you are beautiful & don't ever let yourself or anyone else tell you any different.
"& once the storm is over you won't remember how you it made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out the storm you won't be the same person that walked in."
Love Lottie xox
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