Dear you,
Where have you run away to? Wherever you are please can I run to you in order to find you? Because without having you around my everyday just isn't the same.
People can say how can something so short effect you so so much, how can you become attached to someone so fast. The answer is because it is you...
You was the person that appeared in my life out of the blue when I at least expected it. After recently getting myself back from a dark place you walked in & I fell. Just when I wasn't looking for anyone you showed me that I do, I need & want you around.
Then as quick as you entered my life it was like you wanted to leave. Just when things were going so well it come crashing down on me. You changed. You turned into a person I didn't recognise anymore. I protected you from other people & their thoughts & opinions of the whole thing & never once did I listen to people when they said there isn't something right about this. Maybe I needed to listen but as always I followed my own heart & we know where that lead....
It was like someone switched a switch on you & one click of that switch & you changed your mind on the whole thing. It wasn't what you needed at the moment & that was that. No room for discussion, no explanation & to me that's the worst thing anyone can ever do. Wanting to leave but yet not give a valid explanation as to why? I think since that day I've drove my mind crazy trying to work out why & what did I do? But I guess that's something not even you seem to know it seems. You'd never let on & always run when the going got tough. For once I just wanted someone to be honest with me. But I guess that was too hard for you.
People say someone who isn’t putting in the effort that you need from them, isn’t afraid of losing you. So why was I afraid of losing you?
I could punch myself right now for how you've made me feel. For how insignificant I currently feel, how my mind is full of so many questions & confusion all that YOU caused me. But I will tell you the worst part the heartache. Letting myself become fond of a person who had no intention of wanting to stay & pursue it. The kind of pain that leaves another scar just like any other. The scar that I thought had healed when you entered only to find the wound being ripped back open over time....
When I told people about you I never left out how much you used to make me smile, just how content I felt around you, how comfortable & happy I was. 5 minutes in your company & my face could light up any room. That's just the effect you have. But I bet when you tell people about me you'll miss out all the good parts. You'll tell them how clingy, demanding, insecure & annoying I got at the end. But they'll never know the confusing things that went on & just how hot & cold you blew. That part you'll leave out won't you?
I'm now left with even the smallest reminders of you. From songs, to food to places. Wherever I go there is a reminder. A constant reminder jumping out & hitting me in the face!
I guess your needs were more important than mine & honesty was a tough thing. Honest answers I don't think I was ever going to get when you didn't even know yourself what was going on in your head.
I guess I never should of let you in & let my guard down so soon. I never should of been so content so soon but that's just how you made me feel & that I could not change. But my problem is I care too much. Way too much. I know I have a good heart & that sometimes can be my weakness. But it doesn't mean people should punish me for it.
I hoped & prayed that things would change & that you'd soon realise but you didn't. You just pushed me away more & walked away without a care. I don't think you realise just how this feels & you're lucky to not have to know. But you wouldn't because you just don't care enough about me like I do you & I guess that's just the thing.
I question was our good times even real? Were those all fake smiles? Fake laughs? Were you pretending all those times we were together to be happy around me? To be happy in my company? To be told it feels like we've known each other longer I would say you was but maybe I'm wrong. Right now I don't know what's real & what's not....
When you're alone & you've got no one with you just remember how
things were. How someone actually cared about you, tried to put you first, enjoyed your company, tried to make you happy & I can promise you no one will fit that bill more than me. But for you I guess it
was just too much, too suffocating....
Love Lottie xox
No comments:
Post a Comment