There comes times in your life where you have to watch people who have come to mean so much to you walk away from you. You fight to keep them there, you do your up most to prove to them just what they mean & how you'd do anything for them yet sometimes that's just not enough. People walk away for various reasons. Whether it be the choice of themselves or of someone else who seems to control their life. For them sometimes it's easier to take the way out & just do as they are told just for a quiet life. But what's the point in that? Why let someone tell you what to do? Why let someone stop you from getting the happiness you deserve? There's never an easy way out of anything but there is some how always a way out. No matter what you do someone will always get hurt. That's just life. But it always feels like your that person who always gets hurt & someone else always gets your happiness...
The hardest thing is watching someone walk away from you who means alot to you, you have fallen for, who you've tried fighting for. But after everything you've been through together there's nothing else you can do unless they change things in their life. So you just have to watch them walk away like its nothing. When really a part of you has died inside & broken.
When you see someone every single day, they become part of your daily routine. They become that person that helps you get through the day because without them there you feel like everyday just wouldn't be the same. You miss the smile, the laugh, the talks, the glances, you miss everything about that person because no one else is the same. No one else even comes close.
In life you get yourself into situations that you never thought you would. You think you could be a big enough person & stay away from someone you never should of gone near in the first place yet just like magnets your attracted to each other & get pulled in. They make you weak at the knees, put a smile on your face even when your having the worst day. Just by being around they change everything. People warn you & try to steer you clear but you don't want to because you just want them whether its right or wrong. Things can't always be right, neither can they always be simple. You didn't ask to get yourself into the mess but to you they are worth that risk.
Sometimes things have to change & things have to fall apart. You'll see whether it's meant to be if that person comes back to you. But until then what are you meant to do? How are you meant to sleep? even just get through everyday? Because without them it feels like a marathon. It hurts like hell & you feel nothing but numbness, anger & worst of all disappointment in yourself. Disappointment that you let yourself fall for someone you shouldn't, the fact you got yourself into a bad place & that you feel not worthy enough for them because they've given up on you when you would fight for them.
What are you meant to do when you've fought all you can yet its still not enough? They still aren't strong enough to admit & hold on to that happiness & become in denial. There's nothing you can do, that's the worse thing & what kills the most.
People try to understand & help but you feel they have no idea just how much this hurts. People say it's the best thing for you. But how can someone else know what's better for another person? That's their own decision to make. After all only you can know what's best for you. No one else does. Whether people disagree with or not. Always follow your heart & fight till you can fight no more. Others will always think someone is not always worth fighting for but you think they are then fight. Do whatever the hell you have to do to prove your point & try & get through.
When two people have clear feelings for each other but something else is stopping them admitting that to each other or changing there chances of happiness then it stops everything. You can only move forward when other obstacles are gone past.
Sometimes obstacles are put on our paths for us to fight. If its worth having fight & at the end it'll prove even more how much it was that fight.
Right now running far away & never coming back seems perfect. But I know no matter where I am this is going to be carried with me. You can't flick a switch a just change feelings. It'd be easier if in life you could but you just can't. Whatever happens it'll be there no one or nothing can erase that.
It's true what they say:
“Never regret anything that at one point made you smile, because at the time it was exactly what you wanted.” It's worse when it is still the only thing you want & always will.
The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said & never explained. The worst thing & the hardest thing is to say goodbye to someone you want by your side & never to leave...
Why does it have to hurt so much?
Lottie xox
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