I haven't wrote for so long it feels like. Okay it's been nearly a week which is a slight lie. But to me it seems forever.
Things at the moment are much better. I'm in such a happier place than I was before but I think that's partly due to the fact things have taken another path & changed once more. I guess you could say it's got it playing on my mind even more now because before I thought I could work it out for myself & I knew where I stood but now I'm rather unsure.
You know when you get yourself into a situation & the other person says I think it'll be best if we avoid each other for abit & stay out of each others way so it's not awkward for either party but then something just happens & you make yourself look abit silly again after having too much to drink one night & you let those words spill out. Just like word vomit. Then after that moment you think everything is about to change even more for the worse, but it takes you by surprise & it actually doesn't? Things become better, more bearable & just by being back to that place you want to be closer to that person your back in that happy place again.
Who would of thought one person changing things & bettering things for you could make such an impact on your mood? I guess you could say that's when you should realise maybe you like them more than you let on to everyone & most importantly yourself...
You picture things to be just how you want them to be & at this moment I know they are far from being at that stage. But a step in the right direction it's going & I'll take that & grasp that with both hands. The fact an improvement has occurred counts for something even if now I'm baffled & struggling to work out as to why all of a sudden this change of heart? Maybe it's just me looking into things too much & seeing things that aren't there? Maybe it's just a nice person being kind to someone just to make their life easier? Or maybe just maybe there could be something there after all?
You notice a smile, a stare, a look, a glance, the voice. All those little things you notice even more. They stay in your head even when they aren't around while you try to analyse & work out the reasons behind them.
If this person was a code breaker they would be one of those puzzles that was hard to solve. The ones where you sit for hours on end rattling your brain trying to work out just how you was going to solve it. But you know if you was given a clue to go on you'd work it out much quicker & be able to put all those answers together to find that one missing piece.
I guess you just have to go with it & keep on going to try & work it out if you believe it is worth it. This time I truly do. You have something in your heart telling you to follow it & just take a risk & you can't ignore that. After all the heart never lies...
I have turned out liking you more than I originally planned. I understand that now.
Follow your heart & keep on going till you find that missing puzzle piece
Love Lottie xox
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