I've always said to myself when times get tough that a one way ticket out of here would be the best thing.
To be able to close your eyes, point to a place on the map & just travel there. A place where no one knows you, knows your past or issues in order to judge you. Somewhere you can just run away & be away from home & run away from it all. But I guess you could say the past week I've learnt no matter how far you run, whether it's 100 miles, or perhaps the other side of the world it doesn't change a thing. Your mind will still think about those same things, it will still miss that one person & it doesn't change the way you see them or the situation. So what is the point? It may help you feel abit more refreshed but you will return home & those same feelings are still there. You can't just choose to go to a place & those feelings & emotions just disappear. It truly doesn't quite work like that. But life would be easier if you could!
Well I've found that it doesn't... A week in Oxford has been pretty picturesque though. The countryside is beautiful. Just to simply walk through it & let it take your mind off things can help for a short while. The views are lovely & I've caught abit of sun & read more of my books so I can't complain there.
So why when things get tough do we choose to run & try to hide from it?
I think that's a question no one can really a answer...
When you miss someone you feel like it consumes you. You miss even the smallest things that person did. You miss the way they smile, giggle & more importantly the feeling they made you feel just by them being in your presence. You have that person there & you feel like nothing else matters at that time because there is no where else you'd rather be than next to them. You question how someone can make you feel like that when no one else has. You ask yourself over & over what the hell did I do to make you turn around & walk off in the opposite direction? No matter what you do you just ask yourself questions & hope one day you'll find those answers wherever they may be... You don't get how someone can just change their mind like that & go back on everything they've ever said to you. To change their actions & just give up the fight. You told yourself not to let your guard down too soon, not to fall too quick but it's true what they say when you know you know & in those moments you just knew. When do you draw the line under something? When do you give up the fight when you know it could be something that's everything you've wanted? How do you show them that it's right & that it's okay to be afraid it's only human. You don't believe in much but you feel like that person came into your life for a reason & not for it to just be this hurt as a reminder... You just have to believe what they say, two people that are meant to be together will eventually find there way back to each other. Please just find your back soon though. I miss you quite terribly.
It's true when they say you never miss a good thing till its gone...
Love Lottie
xox
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