A battle

12:52pm 

When I was first diagnosed with severe depression I didn't think much of it. Of how it would effect my life later on. Of whether or not it will completely fade & if my life would go back to normal. No one really tells you what to expect or what's going to happen. I guess they can't predict of how it will change things or you but some kind of indication would be helpful. At least then you know what you may be in for....

I never realised that well over a year later of being diagnosed that I would still yoyo up & down of moods, phases & also my sleep pattern. I can be in the happiest of moods one day & then the next I could have chest pains of anxiety & be in a mood where I just want to be alone, or want a hug. It can seem like such a repeating circle. Sometimes I just don't know whether I'm coming on going. 

My sleep is varied, some nights I can sleep okay but some nights I lay awake & can't switch off. Those are the nights you think to yourself I never really have got through this. 

I've now come to the conclusion that depression & anxiety is always going to be something that I suffer with. People can say you will always have dark days but they never truly understand just how dark them days can be sometimes. It's one of those things that you could never begin to understand if you haven't been through it. 

If it came with an instruction manual that would be fab. One of those dummies guides to depression & anxiety but that's yet to be written. Maybe I could jolly well be onto something there hmm lol. 

I have found a great site run by the charity mind called Elefriends & it has been a great help. I think having people who understand what you go through & what you suffer because they have the same helps a BIG deal! Elefriends is kind of like a Facebook for people who suffer from a mental illness or anxiety. We can all talk about what we like to each other about or illness & you have no worries of people judging you just like the "normal" people on everyday Facebook. I'm not ashamed to say I have an illness but it's nice just not to have to worry that some person will judge you for posting about your feelings or mood because let's face it some idiot always will & taking away that worry is a help on its own. So anyone who wants that place to post about your struggle join up to Elefriends. I will post the link at the end for you :) but it's definitely worth checking it out it could help you if you suffer just like me. 

Today is one of those rainy, dull days. Some people say how it's enough to change anyone's mood but it's not with me. I quite like a rainy day especially when I get to stay indoors & just not worry about having to put make up on, or do my hair or even to worry about what I look like for once. I can just sit & watch a film with the window open listening to the rain as background noise. Then a nice bath to finish off the afternoon. It can help to relax me so it's worth it. Especially when I'm one of those people who constantly worry about what I look like. I guess you could say I'm not happy with my appearance. I've never been the most confident of people when it comes to my body or looks. People may think that I feel otherwise but they couldn't be anymore further from the truth. Maybe in time that will change but for now it is what it is sadly. 

Anyway enough of me going on im going to try & end my post with a pick me up to try & get my own mood lifted & any of you reading: 

When you're at that bottom of that dark place & you struggle to climb mean while just trying to remember ; be patient, do not be angry. Your brain is your friend not your enemy. Even if it feels at time like it's your own worst enemy. Remember the things that make you happy & even if they don't make you feel happy doing them at the moment do them still. Because that happiness is still there somewhere waiting to come back at a moment soon. The glimpse of that blue sky is somewhere behind those dark grey clouds you just have to help yourself find it sometimes amongst the dark ❤️🌎

Love Lottie xox 

Elefriends link ; www.elefriends.org.uk

My cute little jar & lights are something I've recently picked up for my room & I just adore them! The lights were sold separately from the jar & so worth the purchase! I adore anything shabby chic & especially when they have quotes on them! The jar is made of glass & has string detailing to the top & also has a handle. The lights are battery operated & simply go inside the jar & I leave the battery pack out at the back of the jar. Anything quirky & cute I love to have it for my room. I fell in love with this site recently they have so many amazing little bits & bobs so I will most certainly be buying more bits :) 

They have a Facebook page & a website so I shall post the weblink below for you to have a gander through its definitely worth the browse & also purchasing bits from them! They are excellent prices, they come will packaged & also fast delivered! 

http://www.ihearthomes.co.uk