20:11pm
I always seem to leave it some time till I post on here & my posts have got so far in between now it's terrible. I really should write more.
I never used to believe people when they said to me there truly is light at the end of the tunnel. Even before suffering from depression I never used to believe in things getting better & there ever being a positive end to a situation. I always used to think so negatively about things & simply snigger at people when they'd tell me it'll get better. I won't say now that I'm 100% a positive thinking because I'm not & I don't think I ever will not suffer from some kind of doubt in my mind about things. But since suffering from depression I have learnt clearly that everything does happen for a reason & that over time things DO get easier. I know that things are thrown at us to test us, to make us grow.
Suffering from depression it's not a pleasant thing but from suffering it has made me realise a lot about myself & given me a different outlook on a lot of things. Over time I've learnt that there is nothing to be ashamed of in admitting that I suffer from a mental illness. I have days where I don't want to be around people & yes I can be difficult. But I'm still me & I've not changed. Only as a person that's life experiences & teachings have grown.
Today I went London bound to take part in what was just a super hero 5k walk for me (due to my recent Achilles injury) around regents park raising money for mind.
I've raised just over £132 & I can honestly say I'm proud for once of what I've achieved!
I was diagnosed with severe depression nearly a year ago, I've under took counselling, therapy & still to this day on medication for my mental illness. I can honestly say I wouldn't wish a mental illness upon anyone not even my worst enemy. You are constantly in a dark place, you don't know whether you want to live or die, you learn certain people become your triggers,you isolate yourself from the world & have a battle with our head& the monsters in it. It's one selfish place but hand on heart I can say I haven't let it get the better of me & without it I wouldn't be where I am now & I'm proud of what I've overcome to get to this point where I can raise money to help others get the help & support they need just like I did.
People say I'm brave & an inspiration because I speak up about my issue but to me I don't see myself as that, I just want others to know it's nothing to frown upon & you're not alone.
Words cannot describe for once how proud I feel of myself today it's been such a big step for me :)
“Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.”
Love Lottie xox
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