After so many years you think you know someone really well. You think you know how their mind works better than anyone, how they think of you & will always be at your side no matter what because to them your important & they'd do anything to ensure your okay & help you through. You trust that person as if they were part of your family, a friend you've had so long that you can't remember your life before them. You would of thought you'd know when they were about to change & you'd notice how much they've changed towards you but until it all builds up & hits you in the face when things are tough & they aren't there anymore. You put so much trust in that person but you feel like for what? To be let down just like another person & let them disappear off into the background? But what can you do when that person doesn't want to be there anymore? They don't want to be around you anymore because they feel like they have moved on & become a better person & no longer need you around. To them your not that same person anymore your a mad one who has too much drama in there life & they have better things to spend their time on now. Well that's what it feels like.
You think the world of someone & never speak a bad word of them yet they repay you in such a way that's disgusting to do to anyone let alone someone you've known for years. To make someone feel so insignificant & little is cruel.
You can't put into words how they've made you feel & how upsetting it is to you. But if you was to tell them they wouldn't even care. In fact you try explaining & get no response. You don't have to explain yourself to be ignored. You deserve better than that & after everything don't let that person get the better of you. If they were a true one they'd find a way of coming back into your life & making things right. But thing is dont hold your breath this will be the case because chances are it won't. Chances are right now they're going to walk right out of your life completely & not even give you a second thought & that's the hardest thing.
It's true what they say you really cannot trust anyone in this world but yourself. Because if someone can break your trust so easily after so many years without a care in the world then people are going to break it at any point down the line & not think twice of it.
At the moment I'm pretty much sick of people. I'm sick of their promises, lack of support, lack of decency, lack of respect, lack of love, & most of all lack of being a decent friend. People don't have to stand by you & listen to you go on I get that but don't expect someone to be there for you next time. People now no longer seem to listen to me. They just think they know what's going on in my head & think oh it's just the same old stupid stuff get over it & move on. I know what people think they just won't admit to my face. Sometimes I just feel like screaming at people straight in the face & saying you really haven't a clue. Don't think you understand when you don't. Don't judge me & certainly don't analyse me. Who are you to think you can work me out? From now on I plan on keeping everything to myself & not talking to anyone about anything because no one seems to take the time to actually truly listen to me. They may listen but they don't listen to the words I'm saying. So what's the point? What's the point of explaining if people don't want to hear it & care otherwise? I'd rather keep things to myself & make myself go mad with the thoughts than tell someone & for them to pretend they want to know & so they have to act like they care. It's tiring.
Once you've lost my trust, you've lost me forever...
Sweet dreams
Love Lottie xox
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