Feelings & emotions are the worst possible things. You can have feelings for someone & not understand quite why you do. Why do you have to have such strong feelings for someone who doesn't give you the time of day? It doesn't make sense how you can feel something for someone who acts like you don't no longer exist & ignores your presence. You get a few glances across a room & that's it. Why do we have to feel things if that person doesn't like us? After all it's useless if it's one way because it will never go anywhere but from you. It's a punishment in a way or so it feels.
You should be here, sometimes I picture you walking in with that "I'm right here" smile & i would of been so happy. Then you think wake up your dreaming. In order for that to happen things would have to drastically change. But they aren't & I don't think they are about to anytime soon.
What do you do when the one you want now ignores your existence. You can be in the same room as them & they notice you every time yet the look in there eye is blank & you can't work out just what they mean. I told myself to not get attached but it was too late for that. You had me at hello. At the click of the fingers I'd be there & I'd drop everything for that.
You get flash backs of those times & those words that were spoken. It’s like a kaleidoscope of memories, it just all comes back, but he never does. A part of you knows that it was going to end like this & nothing was going to become of it because of the whole situation & the thought in your head of "no one would drop all that for someone like me, I'm not worth it". It was the things that person did, the things they said, the looks they gave & the smile on their face. But you think how can someone be pulling me towards someone who they really shouldn't be pulling me towards? Unless they want to teach me a lesson or they want to get me hurt.
How can something be on your mind so much? Surely that's not a healthy thing? It's right there first thing when you wake up, you carry it around with you all day, then bring it back home with you again & you even think about it as you drift off to sleep.
People make lists in there heads of the qualities they want there partner to have. They ask for a caring, sensitive, a sense of humour that makes you laugh even when you don't feel like it, good looking, beautiful inside & out, a soft heart. But that's rubbish because people aren't lists of qualities are they? People will come across someone & they aren't all those things on that list they were looking for or not even any of them yet they still fall for that person. That shows you aren't always looking for what you thought you was because truth is even though we think we know what we are looking for we actually don't until its staring front of the face. Someone can come into your life & not be all those things yet they catch your eye & you fall for them. It just happens without knowing why.
"Every minute you spend with someone gives them a part of your life and takes part of theirs.”
Love Lottie xox
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