night times are the worse you find yourself replaying back everything in your head & it's that time of day when all those feelings & emotions you tried to dodge all day come back to haunt you just as you lay your head down on your pillow. You lay there & dwell in the things you really don't want to. You want to switch off & just sleep cos you feel tired but your mind has other ideas. You lay there in the dark & the comfort of your bed & think what did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve this? Someone somewhere must be punishing me or trying to test me. It's one of those situations even when that person isn't around you, you can't help but let them cross your mind. Things have become messy, awkward, confusing, questionable & hard. You feel like your on a marathon when you couldn't even normally handle a sprint so why put someone through so much? As your head is on the pillow you toss & turn & fidget thinking of the way they look at you, the smile, the cheeky grin, the comments, remarks & conversation then you realise again it wasn't just a way to remove someone else from your life you actually started falling for the company & kindness of this person. So why does it stop there or why can't I have a normal life like others & have someone want to be with me? You question was it you more than anything. Is something wrong with you, are you pretty enough? Are you skinny enough? Do I say the right things? Do they think enough of me? Or do they just laugh at me behind my back? So many questions yet no answers are given to help ease that & take away your doubts. So the only thing to do is make your own final reasoning up for the situation. Only thing is with that you always end up being hard on yourself & thinking so many things. You feel let down once again that people in this life can treat you in such a way. It's harder when you thought better of someone but I guess in time you realise everyone always lets you down in the end & you just have to decide for yourself who's worth that.
You feel lead on, let down, exposed to hurt once more & like your to blame. You wanted things to have ended up different & you actually wanted that person but they had other ideas or did they? There are some questions you'll never know the answers to, why? Because sometimes people keep the truthful answers & thoughts deep within sometimes & unless they wish to expose there hearts to the what if, could it be, the rights & wrongs then they won't ever let anyone catch on to that. That is the best way to think of after all sometimes thinking someone does really feel the same way yet they are too scared to take that risk can be the only thing that gets you through the sadness in the situation.
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