New Year, New Start, New Things

16:10pm
It's new years eve tomorrow & i have work & then i will busy so i thought i'd write my little piece now based on new years.

This year hasn't been the best for me but in ways it hasn't been one of the worst. I feel like the past 4years have been nothing but going from one nightmare to another. Don't get me wrong i have had some of the most amazing memories & times also combined in with those years but to me the main thing that stands out is the moments i have felt at my lowest & everything has been a battle to get back up. But every time someone has thrown something at me i've dealt with it head on because i souly believe that is the best way to tackle situations. Burying your head in the sand, trying to forget about it, pretending it will pass? What's the point you wake up everyday & the problem is still there so it solves nothing.

In a year i've learnt a lot & from the situations i've been in & got myself into i've learnt some lessons. Thats the good thing you have to take from them, the lessons that it teaches you & person it then makes you in to. You come out the other side being stronger, more determined & better minded. If you ignore all that & choose not to think of the positive things you have learnt from those bad moments you will in which find it harder to get over. There comes a time when sometimes you just have to say to yourself enough is enough i can take the positives from this situation, its teachings & the way it has changed me or i can dwell in self pity, not change & get yourself back into one of those bad places again? But whats the point in that because then your back to square one & you'll get yourself back in that dark, lost & alone place again.

I've learnt people will pretend to be your friends but gossip about you behind your back, talking about your situations & thinking they can work it out like a book. No matter what people will always talk about whether you've done a bad thing or not. Truth is there lives must to boring if all they do is take an interest in someone else's life. The funny thing is they think they know but they haven't a clue. They are normally the people who when you aren't yourself they will ask if your okay constantly & act like they genuinely care but they truly don't they just want the latest gossip to talk about. Those are the people i no longer wish to friend.

During the dark days of the year, through the up's & downs & those days when you don't know how your going to get through i have had some of the most amazing people there for me supporting me & ensuring i get back up & carry on. I've learnt the people who i want to stay in my life & who will stand by me no matter what because to them i'm not that burden i think i am in my head. No matter what the drama or situation they are the people who are at my side taking my hand & guiding me through so i'm not alone. I can say i am surprised by some, feel let down & saddened by some people & there actions or non actions you could say towards me lately. They are the people you thought wouldn't let you down through an hour of need but i guess these things happen & you learn that through those times. If they don't want a spot in my life during the tough times then i don't want them there during the good times or any time for that matter anymore.

I've got all the people i need in my life now to take through with me into the new year. The new year that i want to be a better one but i don't want to say it's going to be the best one yet because i don't wish to set myself up to fall so early on.

For 2013 i hope it to be a better one than the last 4 years surely something goods has to come soon right? I just want more adventures, more happiness, more memories to make which i'll treasure for life & better things. I'll write a list of all the things i want to do in 2013 & tick them off when i've completed them, that way i'll get a lot out of my year & for once do the things i really want to do. Difference is this year i no longer have anyone holding me back. I'm now my own person, free as a bird & looking forward to the future. If i had been asked this question about 4months ago i wouldn't of been able to have answered the question. I didn't think that 4months down the line i would happy to be my own person again & be at the stage that i'm at now. I won't lie & say i'm 100% back at the place because i'm not but i know in time & with a new year anything is possible. I thought my life would of been at a better stage than i am back at now but i guess that's just because what i had wasn't at all right for me. I have something better that's coming my way. What i had thought made me happy & made me as a person but it didn't. It broke up all the things i believed in, the happiness i had in me was suffocated & as a person i was changed.

So just remember 2013 could be your year, so don't sit back & just think it'll happen because it won't. You have to go out there & go after what you want. Be the person you want to be don't pretend to be someone your not. No one likes a fake person. Charge after happiness & when you have it grip onto it & never let it go. But the most important thing is ; Never regret anything because at that one moment it was exactly what you wanted.

Happy new year everyone & i wish you all the best & happiness in the world for 2013.
I'll leave you with some of my memories of 2012 & my happiest :) <3

Love Lottie xox